Estate Planning in a Pinch

It's hard to think straight when a loved one is seriously ill. Martin Shenkman, an American lawyer and author of 32 books on estate and financial planning offers this checklist:

Draw up papers.
Everyone needs a durable power of attorney and a will. The first one names someone to manage affairs if the person cannot, the second specifies how assets are to be divided among heirs. In addition, a "living will" can tell hospitals what to do regarding possible life support.

Update records.
Locate financial documents, such as tax returns, shares, FD receipts and bank accounts. See if the right co-owners and beneficiaries are properly identified and named.

Discuss private matters.
Jot down lock combinations, passwords, and locations of any hidden valuables.

Limit fights.
Ask the person to tell heirs about his or her wishes. "When heirs hear those wishes, they're more likely to accept them," Shenkman says.
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Watch your words

Do you argue with loved ones over simple misunderstandings? Little wonder. We overestimate how well we get our point across, says Boaz Keysar, a psychology professor. In his recent study, speakers tried to convey meaning using ambiguous statements. Speakers who thought listeners understood were wrong nearly half the time. Here's expert advice to reduce confusion:

1. Don't rely on cues. Listeners often nod, make eye contact or say "uh-huh" to be polite or move the conversation along. But it's easy to misinterpret these as signs of understanding.
   
2. Train the editor in your head. If you say, "Mary discusses her problems with her husband," it's not clear if she's talking to her husband or about him. Try instead "Mary talks to her husband about her problems." Or, "Mary talks to others about her marital problems."
   
3. Ask listeners to restate your message. Preface the request with "I want to be sure I said that right." Questions like "How does that sound?" or "Does that make sense?" may also work.
   
4. Listen well. When on the receiving end, ask questions to be sure you're on the same page. After all, speakers aren't responsible for the whole exchange.

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Mix well for best results

How to break the ice when you're party-hopping solo

Going to a party where the only soul you know is the host could turn anyone into a social phobic. Here's how to make the most of a room full of strangers:

Do your homework. Before the event, ask your host about the occupations and interests of the other guests. Your new acquaintances will be delighted that you're primed for a talk.

Case the joint. When you arrive, pick out someone who's standing alone or looks friendly, and introduce yourself. "Hi, I'm Fred, and I haven't met a soul here. How do you know Kevin?"

Fade in. Sidle up to a group (but never two people talking intently), and listen for a couple of minutes, smiling at anyone who notices you. Then join the conversation when there's a lull or at an appropriate moment.

Offer a compliment. This works like a charm, as long as the compliment is honest, specific and starts with a form of the work you. Instead of commenting, "I like that tie," say, "Your tie is beautiful."

Give yourself a break. "You don't have to measure every word you say," says Jonathan Berent, author of Beyond Shyness. "People come to parties wanting to talk and interact with one another, not to critique your performance." » Continue reading

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Reining In a Spending Spouse

You're a saver but your efforts are undermined by a spending spouse. Friendly ways to discuss your mate's freewheeling habits:

Choose your moments. Avoid weeknights, when everyone's rushed and tired. Try weekend mornings.

Don't point fingers. Putting a spouse on the defensive leads to friction. "Saying 'We need to look at our savings' is a far better opener than 'You're bleeding us dry,'" says Financial Planner Victoria Collins.

Focus on goals. Rather than argue over spending, says Collins, review targets such as your kids' education and retirement.

Discuss big expenses. Agree to discuss in advance any planned expense that's over a certain limit you set. Setting a limit will force both of you to think before spending on items you really want.

Keep it going. Each month, spend a little time reviewing the progress you've made so far. Your spending spouse needs to see that the cutbacks were worth it. » Continue reading

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How to Tone Up Your Image

Exercise -- and you are better person. That's what university students thought when they rated characteristics of people they believed worked out. In a recent study, the students read profiles of fictional subjects described as "average looking." Some were supposedly exercisers and some non-exercisers -- but in other ways identical. Exercisers got higher rating for strength, health and attractiveness as well as for confidence, self-control, independence and hard work.

Kathleen Martin, author of the study, thinks the messages in the media and from doctors about physical fitness have got through. "If you're tyring to decide whether to start exercising," says Martin, "this might be an incentive. You don't have to be the world's greatest athlete. Just by virtue of exercising, you'll benefit from a social perspective."

She encourages people to talk about their workouts. "Tell people, definitely. It does make a difference in how they see you." » Continue reading

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True Tales of Job Hunting

Office casual may be in, but etiquette still counts in interviews. Some tips:

Turn off your phone. While he waited, one candidate called his mum to tell her about how the dentist fixed his gums, says Anne Maxfield, president of a Manhattan personnel search firm. When a manager finally greeted him, he said, "I'll be with you in a few minutes."

Proofread letters. A candidate at Food & Wine magazine wrote post-interview thank-yous, but carelessness did her in. "She got the name right on one letter," says editor-in-chief Dana Cowin. "The other said: 'Dear Blah Blah.'"

Do you homework. To break the ice at one large company, candidate Fred Neurohr asked, "Is Ed McMahon around a lot?" He got no response but persisted. "I bet he's exciting at the Christmas party." Finally, his interviewer broke the news: "He works for our competitor."

Check your zipper. Linda Gilleran, a consultant for Hewlett-Packard, once left an interview thinking she had made a good impression. Outside, she says, "I looked down to find my fly open wit just the fluttering silk of my underwear between me and the world." She didn't get the job. » Continue reading

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How to be more commanding

All set to confront, negotiate, or impress? Take care! These top ten distracting behaviours can cost you the upper hand:

• Touching your hair
  
• Licking your lips
  
• Playing with rubber bands or paper clips
  
• Twirling your moustache
  
• Drumming your fingers
  
• Clicking pens
  
• Biting your fingernails
  
• Tapping your feet
  
• Picking your teeth
  
• Repeatedly adjusting your glasses.

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Breakup Predictors

Want to know if a relationship will last? Ask the woman's friends. According to Christopher R. Agnew of Purdue University, USA, they're particularly astute. His team studied 74 couples and their friends. All were asked to judge the couple's commitment. Her friends proved better at predicting outcome than anyone, including couples themselves. » Continue reading

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Pray Mates

75% of people who pray with their spouses often describe their marriages as "very happy" (compared with 57% of those who don't), according to a survey of 657 couples by sociologist Andrew Greeley. Those who pray are also more likely to rate their spouses as skilled lovers. » Continue reading

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Once upon a Mattress

Men and women fret differently.

According to a survey by home furnishings retailer IKEA, the top five worries keeping people awake at night are:

Men

1. Fear of aging
   
2. Own weight
   
3. Wife's weight
   
4. Career
   
5. Personal finance

Women

1. Personal finance
   
2. World issues
   
3. Children
   
4. Friends' health
   
5. Fear of aging

Moreover, 61% of men reported they sleep better with their dog in bed. But having Rover in the sack is annoying to most women, who'd prefer to let sleeping dogs lie elsewhere. » Continue reading

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Real Mates vs Roommates

Symptoms of depression are more common among the single and divorced than among married couples, says American sociologist Patrick McKenry, who analyzed surveys from 5991 people aged between 19 and 80. Tying the knot provides a "protection effect." And men and women living together but unmarried score the same on a depression scale as single people.

Why doesn't cohabitation grant the same benefits that marriage vows do? McKenry speculates that unmarried couples may lack the institutional and familial support, and the commitment that gives married couples a greater sense of well-being. » Continue reading

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The Left Ear Has Heart

When it comes to the language of love, not all ears are created equal. In a recent study, volunteers listened to emotional and non-emotional words through each ear. The preliminary findings: Subjects had a 64% recall rate of emotional words heard in the left ear, 58% in the right. Why? Because the brain's right hemisphere, the side that processes emotions better, is more sensitive to signals from the left ear. So if you want to play to someone's soft side lean to the left. » Continue reading

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