You're a saver but your efforts are undermined by a spending spouse. Friendly ways to discuss your mate's freewheeling habits:

Choose your moments. Avoid weeknights, when everyone's rushed and tired. Try weekend mornings.

Don't point fingers. Putting a spouse on the defensive leads to friction. "Saying 'We need to look at our savings' is a far better opener than 'You're bleeding us dry,'" says Financial Planner Victoria Collins.

Focus on goals. Rather than argue over spending, says Collins, review targets such as your kids' education and retirement.

Discuss big expenses. Agree to discuss in advance any planned expense that's over a certain limit you set. Setting a limit will force both of you to think before spending on items you really want.

Keep it going. Each month, spend a little time reviewing the progress you've made so far. Your spending spouse needs to see that the cutbacks were worth it.