BT's Home IT Adviser service has published its quirkiest conversation with tech-hassled customers. Here are a selected few:

Adviser: Press any key.
Customer: I can't find the 'Any' key.

Customer: My mouse pad isn't wired up.
Adviser: I'm not sure I understand, your mouse pad shouldn't have any wires.
Customer: Then how does it know where the mouse is?

Customer: I met a man on the Internet, can you give me his phone number?

This takes the prize.
Adviser: You have spyware on your machine.
Customer: Spyware? Does this mean that they can see me getting dressed through the monitor?

Laugh not, they walk among you!